I Would Have Met You Today

I would have met you today.  

Today I would have gone in to see your sweet face, to hear you cry, to start our life together as a family of four.  Today I should have been excited to hold you, to introduce your big brother to you. Today we should have been surrounded by family, and laughter.  Instead our lives are sluggishly moving forward.

Instead of waking up to your crying, I will cry myself to sleep.  Instead of kissing your sweet face late at night, I beg God to see you in my dreams.  Instead of my body hurting from exhaustion, it aches with emptiness.

I should have met you today.

I looked forward to this day, I dreamt of it.  Until we were told you would never make it here.  Now I dread this day, the thought of what should have been.  The memories I should be making.  I stand here aching to hold you once more, instead of finally getting to embrace you.

I should have met you today.

You are gone from this earth, living with our Lord.  I should rejoice that you never felt the hatred and sins of this world.  You only knew love.  But I can’t help but want to cry.  You should be in my arms, I should be singing Blue Sky’s and Rainbows as you drift off to sleep.  I should be telling you about Jesus, but instead he is telling you about me.

I should have met you today.

But instead, you wait for me in our heavenly home.  Until I come home and embrace you;

I will ache for you

I will cry for you

I will sing for you

I will rejoice that you never felt pain

I will praise our Lord that I got to know you

I will honor you

I love you my sweet Tristan, my angel fish.