A Different Kind of Normal

Over the last few weeks I have found myself doing things that I never thought I would have too. Not only am I doing those things, I am sure that parents that have never lost a child would look at my husband and I and think we are insane. So I made a list of what a bereaved parent does that another parent would never understand.

1. Going to see your child means going to a grave.
2. You only have one picture that you cannot change out on the wall, it's all you have and all you ever will of your child.
3. You read books about losing a baby to your oldest, so they can understand and remember their younger sibling.
4. You have an empty basket, and stocking for a child that does not live on this Earth.
5. You have to blow kisses to the sky, because you can't kiss your child's face.
6.You beg God to watch your child grow in your dreams, because you can't watch him grow on this Earth.
7. Having to explain to people you meet, that you have more than the child they can see.
8. You have to explain to your living child about death, and heaven way before they are ready to truly understand it.
9. You will never have all your children together.
10. Holidays will always make you cry, there is no way around it.
11. On your child's birthday, you have to blow out the candle.
12. Getting the very best for your child, means the best gravestone.
13. Instead of everything having to be perfect for a birthday or wedding, it has to be perfect for their funeral.
14. You have a stuffed animal with a name on it in place of where your child should be in family pictures.
15. You have an emptiness inside you no one will ever be able to fill.

I am a bereaved parent.  I do things differently, I have a different kind of normal.  Parents that do not know loss, do not understand, and I pray they never do.