Why Angel Fish? Well, Elexander informed us a while before we found out if Tristan would be a boy or girl that I was carrying a fish. Yes a fish, his new favorite thing. We would ask him is the baby in mommy's tummy a boy or a girl, and he would reply, "a fish." So we renamed our baby from the typical "Oreo" to "Fish."
So what happened? On November 20th, Roderick and I went in for our typical 20 month sonogram. We were so excited to find out if we were carrying a boy or a girl. I was betting on a girl, although if I had another crazy little boy like Elexander I would be just as happy. We went in to the office and the technician started looking at our baby. She looked at all the organs and was smiling saying everything looked wonderful. She informed us we were having a little boy, and I heard Rod tell Elex, "you're going to have a little brother." My mind started to fill with images of them jumping off couches together, running around the house playing football, and running and screaming when daddy got home from work. Then the words I will never forget. "There is a mass on the back of the babies head, I need to have the doctor come and look." My heart dropped, I could barely breath. The doctor came in and looked around, and then told us the news. Our son had a rare neural tube defect called encephalocele. This defect is when the scull does not fully form and the brain protrudes from the head in a sac outside of the scull. He said that our sons was so severe that he would not be able to survive. He said he wanted us to go see a specialist in Ft. Worth, and he would go and get that set up for us. I sat up, and as the information sank in, I started to cry. As the seconds passed crying become whaling, and complete devastation. I looked up into my husbands eyes, and saw tears running down his face. I will never forget the look on his face as he walked over and held me. Our doctor set up our appointment with the specialist the following Monday.
Five days later we went to the specialist only to hear the exact same thing. Our son's condition was so severe that surgery could not save him. Over half his brain was protruding into the sac, and his kidneys were not fully functional. I didn't cry as hard, but I still felt a dagger in my heart. I had to plan a funeral. I was expecting to be planning for my second baby to come home and instead I was going to have to plan a funeral.
This is where our story begins...I go weekly to the doctor to check for heartbeat, since I am too early to have consistent movement from Tristan. We continue to pray for a miracle, and that our Angel Fish gets to come home.
No comments:
Post a Comment