Finding Joy in Sorrow

I can't help but be joyful today, and want to just sing at the top of my voice.  In fact I even went and bought a hot fudge sundae molten cake from Sonic to celebrate a prayer answered.  Tristan is still going to be an angel, and his time here on Earth is limited, but God has answered one of our prayers.  At our last sonogram 2 weeks ago we were told that Tristan had some problems with his kidneys and this could cause his life to be shortened.  Well today, we found out that Tristan's kidneys are fully functional and he is rather healthy.  He is still 3 weeks behind on size, and is weighing in at a whopping 14 ounces.

As of right now, it looks like we maybe able to make it to term.  We will go again in four weeks for a sonogram.  These are to check and make sure that I am not having issues, and to give us a chance to see our son as much as possible.

Part of me mourns my son, but I continue to see the Lord's blessings even through the hardest times.  Today I read a post from a friend, talking about how God must have felt when he gave up his son.  How tears must have fallen down his face, knowing, he was handing his only son over to die for us.  Thing is, my son will not save the world, but maybe, his story will give someone hope.

I know that it may seem ridiculous to praise God for something that seems insignificant considering my son will still die.  But his kidneys being functional, us being able to go to term, gives us a chance to hold our son while he is still on this Earth.  Rod may actually get to hold his son while his spirit is still here.  We may actually get to tell him that we love him, and that we will see him one day in heaven.  We could actually tell him goodbye.  Those moments, even if just for a few seconds, would be worth more than us then we could describe.

I just keep singing, I will carry you by Selah in my head.  And today, these verses really hit me.


I will praise the One Whos chosen meTo carry youSuch a short timeSuch a long roadAll this madnessBut I knowThat the silenceHas brought me to His voice

As small as this victory may seem, it is still a victory.  We shall praise God in even the smallest of victories.  We still pray for a miracle for Tristan to be healed, but if that is not his will, then we will still praise him.